Sometimes life gives you a moment of pure clarity. Where everything just makes sense. You don’t have to like the realization you are coming to. You don’t even have to accept it. Live in denial if you wish. Just remember that you had that moment, you feel it in your bones, a moment of existance, of knowing exactly where you stand.
I have started training for the Tough Mudder Half. A big part of the event involves climbing or pulling myself over things. Hence, part of my training involves working on upper body strength. I have to conquer one exercise in particular, the pull up. I suck at it. So much so, that I can only do one not so decent pull up. To get myself to a pull up I have been just pulling myself half up almost to a sitting position and swinging my body a few times. I can do this now twice before my arms quit on me. I feel so inadequate.
I’m beginning to learn that it’s ok to feel that inadequacy. You have to start somewhere and not everything is going to come easy. I don’t expect to be a pull up master in a month, heck I’ll be lucky if I’m able to do one decent pull up when the Tough Mudder Half rolls around, but that is one more pull up than I was able to do and that does count for something. At least I’m trying, at least I’m out there pushing my body to do things.
The older I get the more grateful I am for the body I have. It’s not the body I wanted when I was growing up, with all those teenage insecurities, but its a strong functioning body that I have learned to love. The more I appreciate this, the more I realize that there are people out there who due to sickness can’t get up, can’t do many things we take for granted, the more I want to push my body to it’s full capacity.
I may not be able to do a pull up yet, but I have a body that is at least capable of trying and that is a beautiful thing.