Finding Reasons to be Unhappy

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This past week I was having an argument with my boyfriend. One of those arguments that when you are in the middle of it you realize are stupid and you are wasting time of your precious life on it. Once we both realized that it was a stupid argument, I also realized that the reason I enable these stupid arguments is because I have insecurities about the relationship. I told my boyfriend this and after talking about the insecurities, he said something that has made me think a lot about my life. He said; “It’s OK to have insecurities as long as your not just trying to find reasons to be unhappy.”

At the time, when he said that, I was all “Yeah, right.”, “Not me at all.”, but the more time has passed and those words have simmered in my conscience, I’m obliged to say, he may have a point. Let’s be clear, this doesn’t make me happy. However, I think it’s something that I have to explore.

Why is it so easy for me to focus on what makes me unhappy? Why do I give more value to these things than to the positives in my life? It’s not that I don’t see the positive, I’m not a pessimist, but I clearly see the bad things with a bigger lens. Sometimes when things aren’t going as well as I wish they would, I start to focus on all those little things that aren’t going well and forget about the big things that are doing at least moderately well. It’s easy to overlook the things that are going well, because they are things like; being healthy, being able to have time to go on walks with my dog, being in a healthy relationship, being able to support myself. Meanwhile, the things that make me unhappy are things like; not feeling comfortable in a bathing suit, wishing I was in a stage of my life where I could have more pets or children, having more romance in the relationship, and having a job I actually enjoy. The reality is I shouldn’t take for granted things like being healthy or a stable relationship, because I have had health scares and I’ve been in unstable relationships, and its not in a situation any one wants to be in.

For the most part, I try to be grateful for the things that are going in well in my life, but I do find reasons to be unhappy when too many things start to pile up. It’s a bad habit, I know. I think it’s normal to have moments like this, moments when life is getting the best of you, or at least it feels that way, but I can’t let it become normal practice. I have to find productive ways of dealing with these feelings, but I’m not sure what that means yet.

*Recommendations are welcomed.*

2 thoughts on “Finding Reasons to be Unhappy

  1. great post. people are naturally wired to focus on the bad things first– if theres a majestic animal sweeping through the air across the sunset but theres also a fire nearby, which do you think you should tend to?

    that said, theres also anxiety which is a real thing, where you see that beautiful bird but refuse to pay attention to it until youre sure there are zero fires (metaphorical or otherwise) nearby. for some people its like never being off-duty. everyone else is in between, and depression / anxiety / ptsd / self-esteem… theres a lot of things that can make people focus “too much” on the negative. but regardless, its naturally easier for almost everyone to focus on a crisis over a pleasant tune. some people are just more likely to go looking for trouble, out of anxiety or whatever.

    “honey theres no snakes here, i promise.” “ok but lets turn this rock over to make sure.” “what, all of them?” even kids worry about monsters under the bed. grownups arent so different.

    • melmarie

      Thanks for your comment. I agree, we are definitely hard wired to focus on the things that could cause potential harm, I guess it’s about not letting it get the best of you.

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