This weekend I’m going to Comic Con in New York and I’m doing the Tough Mudder Half. I have to confess that this week I haven’t been feeling 100%. I stopped training for the Mudder and have been feeling without energy to do anything work related and I have a lot to do at work. I was accepted into a faculty development seminar that meets on Mondays, which I will get paid for, but that also includes doing a lot of readings, participating and coming up with a project. I know I’m making a bigger deal of my issues, knowing I had a full weekend I already submitted the homework for Monday. I’m on top of it. Still I can shake the feeling of dread. I feel like something is getting left behind and I don’t know if it is work related or life related. I even feel like my dog is getting a crappy deal. He totally needs more attention and exercise than he is getting. I also know that I have a work project that I should be working on, but don’t want to and I know that I want to push myself to do more things that will benefit my personal growth outside from work, but can’t bring myself to do it.
I have started writing again. I have started two stories, I can’t bring myself to continue them. I can feel them in my head and I want to do it. Why can’t I? I keep going back to this book I read, This year I will…: How to Finally Change a Habit, Keep a Resolution, or Make a Dream Come True by M.J. Ryan, one of the things she stresses is the fact that you need to be clear about the reason or purpose for doing the thing you want to do. It has to be something that motivates you, so that everything you question your quest you can go back to that reason. I think I need to find this. I don’t know how, but clearly I don’t have that yet.