For the past few weeks I have been struggling to work out. I have felt myself get lazier and lazier. What’s even worst, I have started to see myself make really bad food choices. I would wake up think about working out and then decide to sleep in. This affected my routine, which in turn started to affect how I was feeling about myself. Granted, this was a symptom of something else. I was starting to get depressed. Finding myself trying to create a new routine, instead of feeling excited, I felt overwhelmed. I’m about to get back to work after vacationing and it all just added up to me falling in this dark whole. I tried talking to my boyfriend and his response was; “sometimes you have to get up and do things, even though you don’t feel like it”. This did not sit well with me, it was almost an insult to me.

I have been dealing with a few things; my brother and my mom were going through a rough patch and I was the person my mom could talk to about it; I have to commute an hour and a half to my job and have had some weird experiences with my coworkers (which makes me question if I should stay), which makes me worried about starting to look for jobs again; and I moved in with my boyfriend, which even though I think was the right choice, takes some adjusting to. All these things pile up in my head and make me anxious. I think of myself as a high functioning person with depression, anxiety issues. What this means is that 99% of the time I can get my shit together, get out of the funk and most people I interact with will never find out I was feeling anxious or depressed, but there’s that tiny percentage of time when it does get to me.

I did end up waking up and working out, even though I didn’t feel like it, but it took me a while and I started with baby steps (taking the dog on short walks). I had a longer conversation with my boyfriend and he was really understanding of what I was telling him. I had a conversation with my mom, in which she basically said that my boyfriend was right and I needed to get up and do the thing I didn’t feel like doing. I had to take matters into my own hands, if I’m capable of getting out of the funk by myself then I owe it to myself to try. I reached out to a friend who had express interested in doing half of a tough mudder, and I said I would do it with her. So now, we have a month to train and be ready to try this 5 mile obstacle course. For the next month, I have a reason to work out, which for many of you might seem silly, but it really helps my mental health and that’s all the reason I need.

I’m definitely my own worst enemy, I can get inside my head like no one can. Sometimes I can overcome it alone and it’s good to know I have people I can reach out to. Even if their not giving the advise I want to hear.

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